Random thought, stolen from Luke

I blog, therefore no Spam.

Menstration = Cleansing = Letting Go = Grief

This is probably innitialy the most disgusting post you'll ever read, but whn you think about this, it will make sense. Getting your period is one of the most awkward thing a girl will ever go through, but stop and think for a minute about the process.

Typically, every twenty eight days, this part of a woman's cycle occurrs. You bleed, you whinge and mitch and moan that you got them, usually at the most inconvenient time and for that few days you're feeling unconfortable and icky.

Think about it this way. While your inclination to skip over the subject far out weighs the desire to address it, it is possible to think of it on a spiritual level. It is a form of release, a cleansing of sorts, where all the bad energy from that month of your life is simply washed away. On a scientific level, the uterus is relining itself and you're releasing the egg, but with that in mind, think of this.

When you release the unfertilised egg, you are letting go of the potential of bringing a child into this world, yet again, as well as letting go of the unwanted energy that your body has grown accustomed to having as a part of you. In a sense, it is a loss and becomes something you grieve over, which will result in the extremes of emotion. The result - PMS. You're cranky and everyone around you is copping it. Mix it in with bouts of sadness that you can't explain and relate this back to what you know of the grieving process, because it is possible to grieve the things you're better off without. Then when you come out the otherside of it all, you find yourself strong again and feeling in more of positive state, until the next time.

It's not such a gross thing anymore, but something really beautiful.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (Warning - Contain's movie spoilers)

I saw the movie, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, last Thursday, and once again it was a thoroughly enjoyable Harry Potter experience. I must say though that many things in the film were different to the book. The entire Dursley scene, complete with Dudley's eversized tongue, was completely written out of the movie. That would have been a laugh. Everything Post Dumbledore's death scene was different from the book, which was one of the dissappointments, because i would have loved to see what they did with a funeral of that nature. Morbid, i know, but it was written so beautifully in the book that I wanted to see it.
The Arogog thing was funny as ever I have to say, with Hagrid blubbering over his dead pet spider, Slughorn waited for an opportunity to cut it's limbs to use it for a potion. All the while Harry has this perplexed and slightly amused expression on his face which is priceless.
The Ron/Lavenda scenes were too funny, the way he swooned over her, but then when he was given a potion to counteract the effect of Romilda Vain's chocolates, that was even funnier. You have to watch it to know what I mean.
You can see the tension between Ron and Hermione, just as you can see it between Harry and Ginny. The times they almost kissed, interrupted by Ron or Hermione or Slughorn, added to the tension and you just know something is brewing between them.

Not sleepy

Q. WHY AM I AWAKE? WHY AM I NOT TIRED? WHY DON"T I WANT TO SLEEP?
A. 3 COFFEES = TOO MUCH CAFFEIGNE (mental blank can't spell tat at the moment - don't mock me)
Thanks Jim.

((0))_((0)) HELP!

Kings Work Boots

After careful consideration, I have decided to sell my Kings Work Boots on Ebay. I brought them when I was hired by a major hardware retail chain, who I shall not name, only to be told that "unfortunately we're not able to put you on. We'll keep your resume and details on file" after all of the hoops I had to jump through. I am back on the unemployment merry-go-round again.

Their size 6 men's but would fit a woman with a size 8-9 foot.

Ebay listing to come......

Toe Scum Idol

Australian Idol Auditions

For about the sixth time snce the birth of the show, I auditioned for Australian Idol, believing that all I needed to do was show them my voice and that I can sing and that the rest would just fall into place with the right attitude, the right guidence and alot of work. Each year I went back in spite of the constant knock backs and attacks on my character, and each year followed that same pattern. What can I say? I wanted that singing career that everybody wants so badly, that only a few, in this lifetime, would ever achieve. 

For what is essentially a television show, it's not enough to be passionate about music and really want it. Determination in this instant does not pay off, when there is such a small pidgeon hole of images that they look for. The only value this has in such a show is that it is used against you, and for the purpose of ratings, so many dreams are shattered and so many wonderful personalities and talented people are ridiculed, for the simple reason, that it makes for good television in this age of so-called reality.  I for one have copped this first hand, year after year as I subjected myself, willingly to the abuse of my character. 

I have come away in tears and feeling very down on myself and thinking that I was not good enough to make it in such an industry as the pop music scene. This year however, against my better judgement, I went back, to what I consider my abuser, thinking that I had the answers. I thought about the sorts of songs that I was best suited for, that would not only entertain the judges and get my foot in the door, but would entertain the Australian public. Mentally I ticked all the boxes and I felt fortunate to to have an opportunity to prove to the judges that I am serious about my craft and that I had heeded their constructive points, above the slamming of my personality and understood what it was they wanted from me. Like every other time I had that glimmer of hope that this was the year I would progress further and that the top hundred was well within my grasp. 

What was different though was that I was going in there with my eyes open, with the knowldge that a show such as this isn't about talent but good television and ratings. This year I was going to milk it. So I played the game. I answered the questions and really put my personality out there, really emphasising that I had developed a thick skin. 

This year I walked in there with a sense of self worth. I also had a score to settle. Every insult that was thrown at me I dished it back at them. I was not going to show weakness. I stood my ground and although I didn't get put through to the top hundred, I walked away feeling like a winner. I played their game and I didn't even crack. I looked my abusers in the eyes and told them exactly what I thought, and that their comments had no bearing how I feel about myself. I fought a good fight and then walked away with my head held high. In my mind, I have won and that is all that counts. 

My mug will be on television, probably not in the most favourable light, but to the people who know me, that won't matter. I have their respect and their love. For those who don't know me, it won't matter how they see me based on how a television show constructs my image. 

Tears

Tears.
Drops of water
Spill from your eye,
Roll down your cheeks 
And soak your face.
Some are sad,
Thinking of time gone by
Of all you lost
And the memories
Some are angry,
Frustrated with the world,
The people around you
Past and present
But mostly with your self
And you remember it all too well.
Some are tears of laughter,
A joke you’ve heard,
A funny picture or words 
Or something or someone stupid
Or something funny or just plain weird,
That you remember.
Then there are tears of joy,
The shear wonder 
Of something truly amazing
Or beautiful that touches your heart 
Leaving a warm blissful feeling, 
Feeling the love from the ones you love, 
Knowing you had it all along
And you remember how glorious that feels.
These tears, like the moments 
Vanish,
Leaving only the remnants of what was,
The only thing that remains of a life journey.

Computers, Unemployment and Stuff

My computer is really slow, well more specifically, my internet. I'd say though, it's because i'm downloading stuff on Limewire at the same time as cruising Facebook - well attempoting to. You can't really cruise on 256 ks.

I originally I was going to blog about my diet and how I've hit a kind of speed bump with it, but I forgot all about that in the wait before this page finally loaded. While I was waiting I was doing some of those quiz things on Facebook. You know those sort that ask you over a hundred things about yourself and you take all day answering and dodging some questions, like it's something I have to do. They consume a huge chunk of my day. Welcome to the Bunny trail that is Facebook. 

One thing they are good for I guess is they get yopu to think about things you don't normally think about. I'm not sure that is always a good thing, especially when the questions are like  Are you Happy, Do you like your life. and Describe your father. The answers are, Not really, no and he's an asshole, in that precise order. My days are usually great until these things surface.

It's not that I'm ungrateful, because I am grateful that life isn't worse. I guess the things I'm not happy are mostly things I will never change, but the father thing. Maybe I'll try his trick - ignore his existance. That's how he deals with me and I can't see that changing anytime soon. 

I'm currently uploading some of these quiz answers onto facebook. what the hell, they want honesty, well this is as honest as it gets. will anyone care? Probably not. I guess if I was employed that would solve some of my problems. If I saw a shrink, that would probably help with the rest. As for the stuff that can't be changed, I guessI should just quit my whining, accept it and thank my lucky stars it isn't any worse. The really bad stuff is happening around me, far enough away to not be happening to me. At least I can be thankful for that. 

Health kick no..... I've lost count.

Today, Tuesday, is the fourth day of eating slightly healthier than I ever have. I've been prepaing salads to eat everyday and cutting right back on my sugar intake. I've cheated a little with this by putting sweetener in my cereal instead of sugar, but I also don't eat all the milk I have on my cereal. Although it is a waste, I tip out the excess milk rather than eat it as I used to. Another change is that I haven't had soft drink since friday night and even then it was coke zero when took a swig of it out of the bottle. I've cut back on fruit juice to 1 or 2 per day, with meals. Other than that, I've been drinking lots of water, refilling the bottle constantly. I've been feeling great. I have Alot more energy and I've been feeling slightly more positive about myself and life in general. It is a matter of remaining disciplined enough to stick it out in the long term and not slip back in to old habits. The next thing I need to change is the amount of exercise, I do, which presently is next to none.

Health kick no..... I've lost count.

Today, Tuesday, is the fourth day of eating slightly healthier than I ever have. I've been prepaing salads to eat everyday and cutting right back on my sugar intake. I've cheated a little with this by putting sweetener in my cereal instead of sugar, but I also don't eat all the milk I have on my cereal. Although it is a waste, I tip out the excess milk rather than eat it as I used to. Another change is that I haven't had soft drink since friday night and even then it was coke zero when took a swig of it out of the bottle. I've cut back on fruit juice to 1 or 2 per day, with meals. Other than that, I've been drinking lots of water, refilling the bottle constantly. I've been feeling great. I have Alot more energy and I've been feeling slightly more positive about myself and life in general. It is a matter of remaining disciplined enough to stick it out in the long term and not slip back in to old habits. The next thing I need to change is the amount of exercise, I do, which presently is next to none.

Confuzzled

How is it that I could spend my whole life up to this point, studying and trying to live right and still not be reaping some reward. I always thought that having a degree made you more emoloyable. I guess that theory works if you're not me. Where is my reward for trying to live an honest way?

Windows

I am mentally tearing my hair out, right now be cause, physically I just can't be bothered anymore. I absolutely HATE Windows right now. I hate my computer and everything to do with it.

Friday Randoms

Today I feel really good, as a result of a night at home instead of out somewhere, running around at some karaoke or seeing friends. It was good just to relax and watch TV for a few hours and not be on the go. I fell asleep on the couch and then when I finally went to bed, I plugged my ipod into my ears, my latest nightly ritual and played on of the podcasts. This time it was a meditation about guilt. It was really good, too, until the battery died on it. Here's a lesson for you. Charge your ipod, occasionally, people! 

So anyway, I went to sleep, shortly after my ipod died and I've since woken up, feeling really good, today. Tonight I'm going out to karaoke - yeah, I know, another one, and following that going home with a friend. Tomorrow, I'm going to the Trots for the first time ever. 

On Sunday I will be singing in a Victorian Fire Appeal Concert at the Goodna RSL. I will be doing two songs, Help - the Johnny Farnham version and When You're Good To Mama. It should be a fun day, and a real honour to be in it since it is the best of the best that have been asked to perform. Once again, my weekend will be packed, but having the goodnight's sleep that I had has given me enough rejuvenation to handle it. 

A new Karaoke Venue.

Last night, on the spur of the moment, Hubby and I, with a friend decided to check out a karaoke venue, we haven't been to. So we traveled to Coomera, near Dreamworld to the Boathouse Tavern. We walked in, straight throught to the restaurant to order food - we were ravenous. Their prices were slightly more than average for a plate of carbonara and Satay chicken noodles, but boy were they nice meals, which we ate in the Karaoke area, while waiting for the show to start. 

I got to sing my first song, soon after I finished my meal and was.... satisfied with the experience. Having sang with the best karaoke outfit in Brisbane, I am rather spoilt but I am no stranger to a crisp clean sound, which leads to a good singing experience. These guys at Coomera were good, but needed a little tweaking to put them in the same league. I could barely hear myself, because my foldback was not turned up enough, so I kept thinking I was being drowned out by the music. So I screamed to be heard. 

I have to say in their favour though, that front of house sound was almost there. The karaoke people were friendly enough, too so all in all it was a place I'd do again. 

It was while I was waiting for my third song that I relaxed and looked around at the decor of the pub. The bar was modeled off the cockpit of a large charter boat, and the side panel of another boat was what line one of the walls. Then I looked up and noticed the fiberglass, swordfish and was impressed. 

The Pokie area was only an improvement on this room, but I was begiining to wonder if I was really in a pub or Underwater World. I'm drawn to water, so this place was perfect for me. If only I had enough pokie change to play, so I could spend more time in that room. 

Karaoke

This is me singing a song at Karaoke.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGASuPIO9as

It took place last year around the time of the competition, which I ended up winning. 

Singing for me, I guess is a form of release. When I pick songs at karaoke, it is generally according to the mood I'm in. 

Here's me, anyway. I think I'm singing something from Grease, here.

I bought a new karaoke CD which has all the songs from Grease and I decided I would take it along to karaoke and try it out. It worked surprisingly well.  

Here is a random picture of me at a fancy Dress thing, when I coloured myself all blue. 

It was hilarious, but it took forever to remove it all. 

Random

Random!!!!

Early morning randoms.

It's 7:38 am! I can't believe I'm up this early after how late I went to bed last night, or should I say this morning. Its like this every morning. I wake up super-early and can'get back to sleep and then at some point during the day, usually mid afternoon, I hit a wall. Nevertheless, I'm up early again.

I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with this blog. I have one on myspace, another on blogger and I have one on facebook, which I rarely use. The problem is no one reads those ones. 

I've got poems on there that probably haven't seen the light of day. It's kind of sad, writing for an unknown audience and knowing that it all falls on deaf ears.

I went to karaoke last night and I sang two songs, the songs I'm doing in a Victorian Fire Appeal concert and was going to try a new song last night, but I didn't get a chance. The problem with good karaokes is that everyone flocks to them and you don't get many songs in. I've been to bad ones and got heaps and sounded really bad and wound up with no voice, so I don't know what is worse. 

My life is kind of mundane. I wake up early, go on the computer, write stuff, go on Facebook, write more stuff, go into the fanfic sites, check for new refiews and possiby find another interesting story on the site and then I watch TV, til I crash. Then I go out to karaoke, or If there is none on, I stay home and watch TV while my hubby works nights at Pizza Hut. 

Then I fall asleep on the couch again and when I wake up I lay there and try to wake up enough to find energy to go to bed. It's kind of sad, really what my life has become. 

I'm currently waiting to hear back about a traineeship with the local council, which I think will be a rewarding change. I just hope I'm right when I tell people I've got a good chance of getting it.

Welcome Readers

I don't know who will end up reading this. I like to write about random things, like poems, stories, life stories, and social commentary. Whatever comes to mind, I write about it. Call it therapy or something, but all I know is it feels good for my soul.

I'm going to talk a little bit about myself, now.

I'm a 27 year old kid, who's trying to put off growing up. I love reading anything to do with Harry Potter and I believe in the importance of staying connected with the inner child. My spirituality lies with the alternative and I like to meditate and read tarot cars. I have a few different decks which I am learning to read. Occasionally i've read for people, mainly friends, but it makes me nervous, because I already know so much about them, that I don't trust the things that pop into my head are really from Spirit or from memory. One day I will get past this though. I just lack the confidence.

I like to write Fanfiction and I belong to two different sights. I know it sounds kind of sad, that I mess with someoneelse's stories, just to get my fix. One site I go to is exclusively a Harry Potter Fan Fiction site, but the other one is general and has everything on there from books, to movies, tv shows and games. It's amazing. I still can't believe they have Smurfs and Thomas the Tank Engine fics on there. I might write one for kicks. 

I've written stuff for Harry Potter, Gilmore Girls, Baby Sitters Club,  Dirty Dancing and My Girl. Sadly I don't get a lot of readers, but alot of the readers I get tend to stick with me til the end of the story wihich is really good and a priveledge.

When I'm not tied to the computer, writing fanfics, making vids and uploading stuff, everywhere, I'm at Karaoke, singing. This is my passion and I sing many different types of music. My favourite is country, then Rock, some Pop and then some random cabaret type stuff. My favourite of these is "When You're Good to Mama"from the Movie Chicago. I won a comp last year singing it, and the prize was a Pacific Island cruise, on which I took my new hubby. It was the best trip of my life. Anyway, that's enough about me for one night. I'm looking forward to posting stuff on here and I hope people can leave comments from time to time.