Tears

Tears.
Drops of water
Spill from your eye,
Roll down your cheeks 
And soak your face.
Some are sad,
Thinking of time gone by
Of all you lost
And the memories
Some are angry,
Frustrated with the world,
The people around you
Past and present
But mostly with your self
And you remember it all too well.
Some are tears of laughter,
A joke you’ve heard,
A funny picture or words 
Or something or someone stupid
Or something funny or just plain weird,
That you remember.
Then there are tears of joy,
The shear wonder 
Of something truly amazing
Or beautiful that touches your heart 
Leaving a warm blissful feeling, 
Feeling the love from the ones you love, 
Knowing you had it all along
And you remember how glorious that feels.
These tears, like the moments 
Vanish,
Leaving only the remnants of what was,
The only thing that remains of a life journey.

Computers, Unemployment and Stuff

My computer is really slow, well more specifically, my internet. I'd say though, it's because i'm downloading stuff on Limewire at the same time as cruising Facebook - well attempoting to. You can't really cruise on 256 ks.

I originally I was going to blog about my diet and how I've hit a kind of speed bump with it, but I forgot all about that in the wait before this page finally loaded. While I was waiting I was doing some of those quiz things on Facebook. You know those sort that ask you over a hundred things about yourself and you take all day answering and dodging some questions, like it's something I have to do. They consume a huge chunk of my day. Welcome to the Bunny trail that is Facebook. 

One thing they are good for I guess is they get yopu to think about things you don't normally think about. I'm not sure that is always a good thing, especially when the questions are like  Are you Happy, Do you like your life. and Describe your father. The answers are, Not really, no and he's an asshole, in that precise order. My days are usually great until these things surface.

It's not that I'm ungrateful, because I am grateful that life isn't worse. I guess the things I'm not happy are mostly things I will never change, but the father thing. Maybe I'll try his trick - ignore his existance. That's how he deals with me and I can't see that changing anytime soon. 

I'm currently uploading some of these quiz answers onto facebook. what the hell, they want honesty, well this is as honest as it gets. will anyone care? Probably not. I guess if I was employed that would solve some of my problems. If I saw a shrink, that would probably help with the rest. As for the stuff that can't be changed, I guessI should just quit my whining, accept it and thank my lucky stars it isn't any worse. The really bad stuff is happening around me, far enough away to not be happening to me. At least I can be thankful for that. 

Health kick no..... I've lost count.

Today, Tuesday, is the fourth day of eating slightly healthier than I ever have. I've been prepaing salads to eat everyday and cutting right back on my sugar intake. I've cheated a little with this by putting sweetener in my cereal instead of sugar, but I also don't eat all the milk I have on my cereal. Although it is a waste, I tip out the excess milk rather than eat it as I used to. Another change is that I haven't had soft drink since friday night and even then it was coke zero when took a swig of it out of the bottle. I've cut back on fruit juice to 1 or 2 per day, with meals. Other than that, I've been drinking lots of water, refilling the bottle constantly. I've been feeling great. I have Alot more energy and I've been feeling slightly more positive about myself and life in general. It is a matter of remaining disciplined enough to stick it out in the long term and not slip back in to old habits. The next thing I need to change is the amount of exercise, I do, which presently is next to none.

Health kick no..... I've lost count.

Today, Tuesday, is the fourth day of eating slightly healthier than I ever have. I've been prepaing salads to eat everyday and cutting right back on my sugar intake. I've cheated a little with this by putting sweetener in my cereal instead of sugar, but I also don't eat all the milk I have on my cereal. Although it is a waste, I tip out the excess milk rather than eat it as I used to. Another change is that I haven't had soft drink since friday night and even then it was coke zero when took a swig of it out of the bottle. I've cut back on fruit juice to 1 or 2 per day, with meals. Other than that, I've been drinking lots of water, refilling the bottle constantly. I've been feeling great. I have Alot more energy and I've been feeling slightly more positive about myself and life in general. It is a matter of remaining disciplined enough to stick it out in the long term and not slip back in to old habits. The next thing I need to change is the amount of exercise, I do, which presently is next to none.

Confuzzled

How is it that I could spend my whole life up to this point, studying and trying to live right and still not be reaping some reward. I always thought that having a degree made you more emoloyable. I guess that theory works if you're not me. Where is my reward for trying to live an honest way?

Windows

I am mentally tearing my hair out, right now be cause, physically I just can't be bothered anymore. I absolutely HATE Windows right now. I hate my computer and everything to do with it.

Friday Randoms

Today I feel really good, as a result of a night at home instead of out somewhere, running around at some karaoke or seeing friends. It was good just to relax and watch TV for a few hours and not be on the go. I fell asleep on the couch and then when I finally went to bed, I plugged my ipod into my ears, my latest nightly ritual and played on of the podcasts. This time it was a meditation about guilt. It was really good, too, until the battery died on it. Here's a lesson for you. Charge your ipod, occasionally, people! 

So anyway, I went to sleep, shortly after my ipod died and I've since woken up, feeling really good, today. Tonight I'm going out to karaoke - yeah, I know, another one, and following that going home with a friend. Tomorrow, I'm going to the Trots for the first time ever. 

On Sunday I will be singing in a Victorian Fire Appeal Concert at the Goodna RSL. I will be doing two songs, Help - the Johnny Farnham version and When You're Good To Mama. It should be a fun day, and a real honour to be in it since it is the best of the best that have been asked to perform. Once again, my weekend will be packed, but having the goodnight's sleep that I had has given me enough rejuvenation to handle it.